1. My Hottest Self


    Real talk. Lately I’ve been having big time body image issues. I can’t completely blame Forever 21, but they know what they did. I don’t love my body. I don’t even really like it. Having said that, I spent a lot of time on my ride thinking about when I feel the best looking. I have named this person My Hottest Self. This person is as follows:

    Hair down, glasses, tank top, boyshort underwear. My hottest self.

    Who is your Hottest Self?

    Natural, curly hair worn down with some mousse, mascara, defined brows (mine are so light!), glasses, rolled up jorts, and a lacy bra! Or if I’m in public, change the jorts and bra to a short dress with open back and a pair of sandals.

  2. Gillian + Handsome Groomsman do wedding!

    I promise he likes me. He’s just pretending to be upset about my demand for photos. :)

    We danced a lot. It was joyful! And so goofy! Happy.

  3. *Meekly waves from the shadows if Tumblr*

    So I haven’t updated this little bloggity in quite a while, eh?


    I’m doing just fine, really. I have been living at home since my stint in AmeriCorps ended, working at Starbucks and trying to figure out my life. (Though not toooo much progress has been made there.)

    But I will say, though I haven’t moved forward much in figuring out my professional life in the past 9-10 months, I have moved forward personally. I am a thousand times happier now, living with my parents and working at Starbucks, than I was last year, living on my own in New Jersey surrounded by strangers, even if I was doing really fun, environmental things as my “job”. SO, I’ve realized, in my future: PEOPLE and PLACE are more important to my happiness than JOB. Good to know!

    I also shed a very toxic relationship about 8 months ago now, and have surprisingly found myself in a new, healthy, relationship with a very sweet, thoughtful guy. He looks at me like I might be made of magic, and he treats me as such, so that’s going pretty well. It’s been about 5 months! Is this what a relationship is supposed to feel like? Whooooa. Haha.

    I’m thinking about going to grad school, but I cant figure out if I should do it locally or elsewhere. I want a good education, obviously (looking into environmental engineering), but my priority is affordabolity. As much as I loved going to school at Tulane in New Orleans for my undergaduate, hindsight has shown me that I should have thought about loan debt as a big factor in choosing a school, so in the future, I’ll be doing that.

    As for Starbucks, I really enjoy working there! After about a month there, I was promoted from barista to shift supervisor, so I guess I’m pretty good at my job ;) My boss likes to tell me (and others) that I am the best person she has ever hired. Stop that, I blush. It’s generally a super fun gig and I’ve made a lot of friends there! Happy.

    Anyway, I’ve been rambling and you don’t care.

    TL;DR— Life takes weird turns, but it’s a good life. I’m happy.


  4. The Hario Skerton mill is quickly becoming a favorite of coffee professionals. It’s imported from Japan, and consequently, there are no instructions in English. The included literature informs the user that the ceramic burrs are washable, and also gives grind adjustment instructions.

    We’ve come…

  5. Date night! Concert in the city! Feeling cute! :)

    Also, hi! I hope you’re doing so well, Internet.


  6. A letter to self.

    Sometimes, even when you think you’re in a really good place emotionally, you randomly start crying while cuddled up with a really sweet, wonderful guy. And you yourself are confused as to why it’s happening (Oh my god, am I crying? What the heck, why am I crying?!  Quick! Stop before anyone notices! WHAT IS HAPPENING OH GOD) , trying in vain to hold back the tears, hoping that he won’t notice and will simply think you’re tired or that your eyes are itchy or whatever.

    Sometimes, he still notices because - UH, EXCUSE ME? - you are silently crying against his chest… like,  his face is right near your face - no amount of vision impairment can help you now.

    Sometimes, when you try to explain why you’re crying out of nowhere, it doesn’t make any sense, even to yourself.

    You try to make sense of the strange anxiety that is streaming out of your tear ducts, and you get nervous and fidgety and physically hot knowing that someone else is watching you - calmly,  yes,  but probably a little bit more confused than you are. You try to look at anything except for his face because holy crap, you are crazy,  what is happening?

    You realize that maybe some negative thoughts carried themselves over from a past toxic relationship because, even though you have no reason to feel like you’re coming off as overbearing/needy/clingy, you still can’t shake the feeling that you are. And you worry that this person you are coming to like very much will decide that they can’t remember anything they liked about you in the first place - DEAR LORD THIS GIRL IS CRAZY AND NEEDS TO GIVE ME SOME SPACE. (Okay, brain,  take it easy. I’m like… really great!)

    You realize that dating a new person that you like a lot will put you in a constant state of vulnerability and that is scary. Scaaaaary. No more feelings,  shut down the feelings! ((I am a rock,  I am an island! I have no need for friendship,  friendship causes pain! It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain! … A rock feels no pain! An island never cries!))

    But you try to think about it rationally, based on consistent positive exchanges, and come to wonder instead how a person can be so incredibly sweet and caring and thoughtful to you all the time because it’s only been a month and a half and he’s already proven to treat you nicer than anyone you’ve ever dated.  And why does that feel so foreign?

    That’s sad that a person treating you so well is so significant that it moves you to anxiety-ridden tears. Can you acknowledge that? That’s very sad, you deserve to be treated nicely of course. And showing feelings/ vulnerability and expressing wants/needs is NORMAL. I mean, well, it’s not really normal to start randomly crying during quiet cuddle time, but it’s okay if that happens sometimes too. You are human and you are more strangely complex than even you might understand before you stop breathing one day. Let the feels come and let the feels go. Try to understand them, and try to share them because people want to understand and relate to you.

    Okay, good talk. Don’t worry,  totally happens to everyone… (nope.) (But whatever,  you’re not everyone. )

  7. I took myself birthday shopping today! Second one was a no-go but I looked pretty smokin’ (also, totally a kim kardashian dress, lolol oops), but the first was much more my style and I did buy it for myself. TREAT YO’SELF.

    It’s been a nice, relaxing day with plenty of simple pleasures and a handful of lovely people. All I can ask for!

  8. I made a new bow and put that one on because that won the vote (even though I like the flower better,  hehe).

  9. Hey friends!  Which is cuter?

  10. Off from work today,  so I took myself on a little date!  I wore cute fall clothes and some spiffy red lipstick and I walked around in this cute little town admiring the landscape and the leaves. I didn’t have to talk to anyone,  and I wore a smile the whole time. I even sat on the Old Friends,  Book Ends bench which made me think of Simon and Garfunkel and my own best friends in faraway places.

    Sometimes I forget that I need days like this where I don’t have to share myself with anyone.  I’m pretty great company, if I do say so myself.